Linda Wilson Has A Problem

Dear M&Ms,

I once saw a commercial that claimed that your candy only melted inside mouths, so when I was searching for snacks for my recent desert survival retreat, I chose M&Ms. On our trip, I slipped a handful of your candies into my back pocket to keep myself energized for our long hike, but after a few hours my hike-mates started giving me strange looks, often asking if I was feeling all right. I realized what they were thinking later, when I discovered that the candies had melted completely, leaving a suspicious brown stain on my rear end. Needless to say, I was mortified.

My attempts to keep the candies cool by putting them inside our water jug were fruitless, as they eventually dissolved and contaminated the jug. Later, when my hike-mate left her jug of water at our previous campsite, we had to rely on the melted M&M tainted drinking water for our primary water source. Unfortunately, the sugary water dried us all out more than aided us, and some of us suffered the ill effects of severe dehydration. We ended up having to cut our trip short, due to this.

Is this normal? I am wondering if you might have a candy that withstands greater temperatures, or if I just received a defective bag of M&Ms? Would skittles have been a better desert snack?

Sincerely,
Linda B. Wilson